First Smile

On March 11, Jack smiled for the first time. Oh, there have been smiles before: when he farts, when he's sleeping, after he burps, when you stroke his cheek, if you kiss him on the corner of his mouth. But this one was different. It was a full blown, legitimate smile in response to something. I was holding him and talking to him. I don't even remember what I was saying but he broke out into this goofy, huge, wonderful, toothless grin. It took up his whole face and melted my heart! Shortly thereafter, I changed his diaper and saw that he had gone #2 so I thought that the smile was a fluke, or a response to what he had accomplished in his diaper. But 20 minutes later, there it was again, so the first one must have been meant for me too.

It has been irregular since, sometimes he smiles just as a reflex but there have been a few other genuine ones. This morning, he was having nose problems. Unfortunately, Jack has inherited the obnoxious stuffy nose and post nasal drip that plague my side of the family whenever they lay down. Go figure, he gets Paul's nose but my sinuses. How unfair. This, of course, makes things annoying for the poor little guy when he sleeps. I have tried nose drops, suctioning the nose, humidifiers and a sleep positioner that inclines his body. All have had limited success. After his morning feeding and diaper change, I set him in his bassinette. He was fussing around because he was uncomfortabe. So I picked him up and put him into bed with me early. After Daddy goes to work, we always lay in bed together and snuggle. It is one of the cutest things in the entire world because he always turns to face me and then gradually scoots closer and closer to me until his head is resting against mine before he falls asleep. Today, I set him down and he just looked at me with his big beautiful eyes and grinned at me. And he kept doing it! My mom keeps asking me when I am going to put him in his own room. If he keeps doing adorable stuff like that, the answer is NEVER!

1 MONTH!

Unbelieveable! Jack is one month old. It's really hard to believe. Sometimes if feels like I had him just yesterday and sometimes I feel as if I have always had him! He is getting bigger and his cheeks are getting chubbier. He is starting to learn new things. When he cries because he is hungry, he gets quiet right after I put his bib on because he knows that his bottle is coming. He is focusing more on faces and turns his head to find my face when I am talking. If his eyes are open when he is eating and I start to talk to him, his pupils widen and his eyes light up. He likes his plastic key toys--they're colorful and fun to look at. He's starting to smile a little more, though not really in response to us yet. You might get a little smile if you kiss him on the cheek or corner of his mouth. He loves to be talked to and sung to. It doesn't even have to be a real song. I just kind of make them up on the fly. There's "Jack is gonna eat real soon," and "Daddy's fixing your bottle." Those are two of his favorites, even though the words are never the same because I forget what I have sung before! He also likes "Jack's a Stinky Baby" sung to Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies". "Jack's a Stinky Baby" can also be changed to "Jack's a Crabby Baby," or "Jack's a Naked Baby," when he is getting a bath. He is sleeping fairly well and usually goes 3-4 hours between feedings at night. After his early morning feeding (usually around 5-6 am) we go back to bed and Jack gets to come into Mommy's bed and snuggle, which we both love. We snuggle and talk (and I sometimes get some smiles) and then we fall asleep for 3 to 4 hours more (if Mommy is lucky).

All of this makes me so sad that I only have one more month off of work before I have to go back. I know that a month is still a good deal of time but it will never be enough! I love staying at home with him and know that I will be bawling my eyes out the day I have to return to work. Fortunately, we are leaving him in good hands with his Grandma. And fortunately, we have the best jobs in the world for being parents. It will just be two months and then we will be off for summer break. That won't, however, stop us from playing the lottery every week so that we can be stay at home parents! Could we swing it on one salary? Probably (but it would be really tight!). But we would have to cut back on so many things that we like to do and we would be so limited on what we would be able to do with Jack (i.e. vacations, taking him to the theater someday, etc.) that it wouldn't be worth it.

I do know, however, that my priorities at work will definitely change. No more staying late, better budgeting of my time at work so I can hurry home and spend time with my favorite student, etc. And I think that it will be healthier for me. I tend to obsess about work and my lesson planning and though that is good, I often stress myself out. I know having Jack will add to the stress of having too much to do but I will now put most of my energy into him, because he is most important. I'm not saying that I will stop working hard at teaching, but I will better use my time and I will have to re-structure things. Maybe I get my school work done at school. Maybe I wait until late at night after Jack goes to bed. And maybe, just maybe, we'll win the lottery and I won't have to worry about any of it!!!

Twice as long

EVERYTHING takes twice as long to accomplish with a baby. I find that, at the end of the day, I feel I have accomplished nothing and yet I feel that I am busy all day long! I do at least one load of Jack's laundry per day and wash bottle parts all day. After 37 diaper changes (man can this kid pee) and many feedings, I look up at the clock and see that it is evening! And I haven't even cooked anything yet. I don't think it will be a problem losing this baby weight because I haven't even been eating--I've been too busy! And I have also come to realize that I really need to plan ahead when attempting to run any errands.
I haven't run too many of them because Jack isn't supposed to go anywhere public for the first two months. Especially since it is flu season. But today, I had to take Jack back to the hospital--nothing bad--they just messed up his newborn screening tests and had to re-test him. I wasn't so excited to go in the first place since it meant heading to a hospital (where there are a lot of sick and snotty people) and because they were going to draw Jack's blood again and I didn't want to see him cry.
Anyway, I figured it would be best to leave right after one of his feedings so that I wouldn't have to worry about him getting cranky while away. I fed him, and changed him, put his hat on and was placing him into his car seat when he spit up the entire contents of his formula all over himself and the car seat. This was especially awesome since at his 5 o'clock feeding he decided to spit up down my shirt and into my bra! So I had to take him out, change his outfit, wipe down his car seat and make another bottle to bring with in the event that he got hungry again. Once I got him in the car, he passed out. At the hospital, I tried to keep him away from anything germy, covering up his car seat with a blanket and keeping him away from the lady with the mask over her face who looked like Death. I waited to register (I was the only person in the waiting room but it still took them 10 minutes to call me--there were three people working, only one of whom was actually registering anyone. Registration took forever because the guy was clearly not in a hurry and the prescription for the test had my name on it instead of Jack's. Apparently, they can't figure out that I am not needing a newborn screening and have to have a prescription with Jack's name on it. Then I had to wait another 10 minutes (still the only person in the room) to be called in for the test. Then the needle that they used was too wimpy to get through his heel (though not wimpy enough to make him not cry and bleed) and they had to get a "better" needle that they aren't allowed to use on a regular basis because of the cost, even though it would have been nice had Jack only had to get stuck once.
By the time we got home, it was over two hours later and Jack was a hungry boy and was not happy when I changed his diaper and outfit because he got blood on it. So ends the big outing of the day. After feeding him, we were both tired--Jack's been sleeping for 3 hours and I've used the time to catch up on cleaning and doing laundry again! I wonder what my big event for tomorrow will be!

Sweaty Back Jack

A short while after we brought Jack home from the hospital, we realized that the kid was really sweaty in the back region. We'd lay him down for a nap or overnight and when we'd pick him up, we'd see a circle of what appeared to be sweat on his outfit and whatever he was laying on. We checked him over to see if we were maybe overheating him at night but he wasn't sweaty anywhere else. I had flashbacks to this guy from high school who was perpetually sweaty and was worried that the same fate would fall upon my son. I couldn't figure out how he could make a perfect sweat circle just at his back. Until I realized what I had been doing wrong. . .

Jack's circumcision looked so painful that I didn't want to do anything to hurt him so I would let his penis (boy is he going to love reading this when he is older) just go where it wanted to--in this case, pointed upwards. I was then folding down the top of the diaper so it wouldn't rub against his umbilical cord. We realized that Sweaty Back Jack came from Jack peeing upwards out the top of his folded down diaper and rolling down his back, forming the perfect "sweat" circle on his back.

Jack has been a lot less sweaty since we have aimed the penis down!

Jack's Likes and Dislikes

I know he's young, but Jack is already establishing his likes and dislikes. Many of them are not the same as Mommy's likes and dislikes!

LIKES: Being held. When he is sleeping and doesn't realize that he is not being held, he's fine. If he's awake and aware that he is not in your arms, he cries.

DISLIKES: Being put down when he is hungry.

LIKES: Eating out of a bottle.

DISLIKES: Breastfeeding but will eat the pre-pumped variety.

LIKES: Riding in the car. He falls asleep as soon as we put him in the car. I have had to pull over a couple of times to check that he is breathing.

DISLIKES: Being put into the car seat and strapped in.

LIKES: Feeding time.

DISLIKES: Waiting for feeding time. The 5 minutes it takes to warm up a bottle are like an eternity for a very impatient Jack who is never shy about expressing his displeasure.

LIKES: Snuggly jammies

DISLIKES: Diaper changes. It's hit or miss. If you change him after a feeding, when he is in a milk coma, he may be okay. Change him before and he'll scream bloody murder.

LIKES: Bath time. He seems to love laying in the water. He gets this look on his face like he is thinking and remembering what it was like being in the womb.

DISLIKES: Being taken out of the bath. He doesn't like being cold and naked. He expressed his displeasure about his first bath by pooping in his towel.

LIKES: Peeing in Mommy and Daddy's face when they are trying to change a diaper. We go through, on average, 3 outfits a day due to things like this.

DISLIKES: Knocking the pacifier out of his own mouth and not being able to find it.

LIKES: Laying in bed with Mommy and Daddy and snuggling up.

DISLIKES: Tummy time--though he is a good sport about it.

LIKES: Farting

DISLIKES: His blocked tear duct when Mommy wipes it and puts ointment in his eye.

Introducing Jack Matthew Soto

On February 5th at 5:15 our son was born.

I went to the hospital on February 4th after school and began the first drug for the induction. I was supposed to get the second in the morning but my water broke and I was in labor before they could get to it. Within the next 2 hours, I was 4 cm dialated and longing for an epidural. But because it progressed so fast, I had to wait for the 1 liter of fluid through the IV before I could get it. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be chomping at the bit to get a shot in the spine but at that point, it didn't matter at all.

After the epidural, life was good. A few hours later, the pushing phase began. It was then that we realized that Jack was face up instead of face down--leading to a lot of back labor and him staying put. In the end, I just wasn't big enough and his position made him get stuck. I was brought in for a C-section a short while later. It was scary and the large doses of drugs made me get the shakes so bad but it was all worth it a short while later when I heard my son cry for the first time. Tears poured from my eyes and they showed me this grayish purple kid with an obscene conehead. I thought one of the perks of the C-section was a perfect round headed infant. I had to go through 12 hours and then get the C-section. And it was worth every second.

Jack is the most perfect, beautiful thing I have ever seen. He weighed 8 lbs 6 oz. was 20.5 inches long and he is absolutely gorgeous. I have loved every second of Mommyhood. I don't even mind getting up in the middle of the night and I can't wait to see what adventures await our new family. We are all so lucky.

Induction to Motherhood

February 5th--the big day.

The doctor has decided that this little Munchkin isn't so little and that the longer we wait the bigger he will get and the higher the likelihood will be that I will need a C-section. So he has recommended that I be induced this week. I was so ready to be done and then when he actually gave me a date for "go time", I felt like I was going to puke! However, I have kind of gotten used to it and though I get scared every once in awhile, it is also really exciting and I can't believe all these months of waiting are nearly over. I can't believe that, by this weekend, I will be a mom!

I keep telling myself that I will do just fine, that I am tougher than most of the women in my childbirth class, that women have been doing this for hundreds of years--but it still gets scary at times. I am hoping that it will be like so many things for me--that the anticipation of it will be more nerve-wracking than the reality. Once I feel what it all feels like, I will know and then be able to find a way to deal with it. The not knowing is most unsettling. I don't know what to expect really and I don't know how I will handle it all. But I do know that I can't wait to meet my little guy.