The Potty Chronicles

I started thinking about potty training Jack when he was 18 months old. I figured, this kid's really smart and he's really verbal, he's going to get it. I thought the books that said, "Just wait until he/she is ready," or "Every child is pre-programmed with the date they will decide to use the potty.. ." were just a load of garbage (especially that last one). I thought, "hey, I can make him decide he's ready by making him sit in his own pee for a little bit." Yeah, that'll show him.

18 months was pretty much a joke. I bought a little potty and periodically tried it. I'd sit him down on it, bring books to him to help make him feel comfortable about going, and make pee noises to encourage the flow. Instead, I got a little boy who would laugh at the pee noises (and I learned that man's need to laugh at bodily function humor starts early) and sit happily reading books until I got tired of it and pulled him off the potty. I got him naked and tried to encourage it. He ran around the corner and peed on the hardwood floor. At least he was considerate. The kid was completely clueless about the concept so I decided to shelve the idea for awhile.

I made it my summer goal to get the kid potty trained. More books and pee-pee noises. Giggling. Nothing.

When he hit about 2 1/2 and he headed to preschool, I renewed my resolve to get him trained, especially since I felt horrible making the preschool teacher change his diapers, even though the school said it was fine. He is the youngest in class and was the only one not yet housebroken. I thought, okay, we're going to put him in underwear. If he pees, maybe he won't like the feeling of the wetness stuck to his body. I was right. He didn't like it. He'd pee his pants, then stand there wide legged, as though he had just gotten off of a horse, whimpering and asking me, "You wanna change this?" I would remind him that he needed to tell me BEFORE he peed and not after. So he practiced this repeating, "You gotta TELL me. You gotta tell me before. You don't go pee-pee in your pants." I thought we were on the right track untill he peed himself again, stood there soaking and informed me, "I peed. You gotta tell me. You gotta tell me before. You don't go pee-pee in your pants." Thanks, Jack. Very helpful.

This went on for awhile and reached it's climax around November. I got home from work and Carmen informed me that Jack was in underwear. I was going to take the kids out to Target so I knew I would put him in a diaper but thought I had a chance to get changed first myself. He and Dani played upstairs while I got dressed and Jack enjoyed playing peek-a-boo with Dani by hiding in the closet and closing the door. I thought things were going well until I hear a muffled voice from beyond the closed closet door, "I peed." I didn't want to make him afraid of having accidents, but it was fairly hard to contain my frustration while I cleaned pee out of the closet. I again reminded him to use the potty and he went on to tell everyone, "You DON'T pee in the closet!"

I chucked the portable potty in favor of an actual kids' seat built into a real adult toilet seat. I went to Home Depot and bought one but it was used (gross). I went to Menards and though the guy who worked there assured me that it would fit, it didn't fit. I went to return both seats and tried to get a replacement at Home Depot. My neighborhood store was out but the one the next town over had 6 in stock. I was certain that this seat was the answer and that he had to have it immediately, even though it was 9 pm, he was already in bed and we wouldn't be able to install it that evening. On the way to the Home Depot, I got a speeding ticket. In a (highly quesitonable) construction zone. Which was a load of crap, which my son was not doing on the potty, but it still cost me $656. Yes, you ARE reading that right. $656. So I now own the world's most expensive toilet seat for a kid that won't even sit on it.

At this point, I started having visions of hoisting up a thirty-year old Jack and changing his diaper on my dining room table that had not been a dining room table in 30 years. I vowed to make sure that I moved in with Jack when I got too old to take care of myself and that I would make sure that I would need Depends.

I moved the potty goal back and swore that Winter break would be the deadline. Nonny and Poppy came to town and Nonny tried her hardest. She acted like an idiot trying to make him laugh, she promised him stuff, she threw Cheerios in the bowl to try to give him something fun to aim at. The result? A kid who would whimper every time and refuse to go, but who would tell everyone that he "peed on the Cheerios". This included my father who was coming down to breakfast and did not know the context of the conversation. He opted for the Chex that morning. And Jack still repeated his mantra, "You gotta tell Mommy. I'm gonna go on the potty." I snapped back, "Yeah, yeah, I've heard this before."

Last week, while at Burger King after school with his best friend Henry, he pooped. Carmen was taking him to the bathroom and Henry, who is potty trained, had to go too. Henry tried to encourage Jack and informed him that it wasn't scary. I wasn't too crazy about Henry because Jack told me that Henry (and not Mommy) was his best friend. This past weekend I was home alone with the kids while Paul was at a bowling tournament. I was intending on taking the kids to get hair cuts and then to Monkey Joe's. In the morning, Jack mentioned wearing underwear but we were going to be leaving and it wasn't an option. As I was prepping the loathsome diaper bag yet again, I peeked into the playroom where Jack and Dani were playing. I caught Jack's eye and he informed me, "I'm pooping." (as in right now) "Okay, sounds good, " I told him, actually really happy that he was doing it before we left the house. He then told me, "I'm gonna finish pooping," then turned away from me and did his thing.

After a fun day, the kids went down for a nap. When he woke up, I asked him if he would like to wear underwear and he seemed more excited than usual to put on underwear. I kept asking him if he had to go. Finally, after dinner, he seemed ready. He pulled down the $656 toilet seat and his pants, jumped up on the seat and just peed. No whining, no coaxing, no deals. Just peeing.

We went insane! Screaming, whooping, hollering, fistbumps, phone calls to Nonny and reward M&Ms marked the occassion. He was so unbelieveably proud of himself. I told him that I was going to buy him special CARS underwear since he was such a big boy. Before bed, he said he wanted to go again. More cheers followed by more M&Ms. As I tucked him in, his last question before I left his room was, "Are you gonna buy new underwear for me?" I felt the corner had been turned. And I felt a LOT warmer towards Henry, even though he did steal Jack away.

On Sunday, we didn't wear diapers on the way to Grandma's. He had one accident but otherwise was trained, pee-wise. But by the evening, still no #2. Before his bath, I heard him say, "I'm not gonna wear underwear." I thought this was weird so I put him on the potty. I knew he had to go but he wouldn't. He whined and said he wanted to get off the $656 potty. He changed the subject by playing with my watch. I made a million promises if he would just poop. I told him he could wear my watch. I told him that if he thought peeing was fun, to just wait until he tried pooping. I promised him 10 M&Ms. He seemed to like these ideas. "Ok!" he said. Thirty seconds later he informed me, "I'm not gonna have M&Ms."

It was not to be last night. Or today. Carmen said he was a champ with the peeing, but held back on the other. When I got him up from his nap today, I had a talk with him:

Me: Jack, did you go pee-pee on the potty today?
Jack: Yes!
Me: Did you go poo-poo?
Jack: No.
Me: Are you a little afraid to go poo-poo on the potty.
Jack (looking away, embarrassed): Yeah.

So we are 50% there. Granted it's the most disgusting 50% that is left. But we're close. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I am now fairly certain I will not have go to college with Jack so I can change his diapers. The jury is still out on my Depends promise. We'll see how long this last part takes him.

Quick Bits

Today Jack was getting a little to excited playing with Dani as I got her ready after her bath. He wound up smacking her in the face. I scolded him and Paul tried to lend a hand from downstairs.

Paul: Jack?
Jack: Yeah?
Paul: Do you wanna stay up there or come down and get ready for bed?
Jack: Stay up here.
Paul: Then you better behave.
Jack: Okay, Paul.


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Today was Paul's birthday but he unfortunately had an all day bowling tournament. The kids and I met him at the tournament for lunch. Jack associates all birthdays with cupcakes so we picked up some cupcakes to share with Paul and his team. The girls dove into the cupcakes but Jack hadn't had lunch yet and I explained to him that he could have a cupcake but that he would first have to have lunch. He remarkably seemed to accept this but told me frequently that "First we gonna have lunch and denn we're gonna have cupcakes," as though he were afraid I would forget. After one of these statements, I said:

Me: Jack, do you like cupcakes?
Jack: YES!!
Me: Why?

Jack (thought about this for a second and then said, rather incredulously): Because their GOOD!
Me: Oh.

Jack waited a couple of seconds and then said, "Mommy? I LOVE cupcakes!"

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Dani might not be my child. I mean, other than the fact that she looks just like me and I was there when she was born, there are some things that make me wonder. The biggest is this kid's food interests. She LOVES all food but really likes vegetables (I hate them and only eat them because I have to). The other day, she was literally whining because I was not cutting broccoli fast enough. By the time she was finished, she had eaten all of her broccoli and also my entire portion. Then today, when we had cupcakes, she had one bite and didn't want any more. I finished her remaining cupcake and wondered what on Earth was wrong with her. Then I just wrote her off as a total freak. But now, I am seeing that this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. . .

Pinball

Dani is crazy. This child is in CONSTANT motion. She's fast and is literally bouncing about the house, grabbing at everything she can. She is a trouble detector, able to sniff out anything she isn't supposed to have. In a room full of exciting, colorful toys, Dani will try to remove the cover from the outlet. Instead of pushing a car along the ground, she tries to eat a whole Duplo block. She finds your full cup of water on the counter more fascinating than any book. (Jack always says, "Dani is destructive." and we call her the "Danisaur".) She'd rather run as fast as she can, out of control, occasionally bopping into multiple pieces of furniture than sit in your lap and relax. She's all energy 12/7 (she sleeps and naps well.).

There is no halfway with Dani. If she's in, she's all in. We keep telling ourselves that this is going to be a fabulous attribute in any future endeavors but right now, we're exhausted. I actually need to start watching what I eat because the way I chase her constantly, I would drop weight pretty fast. Maybe we'll offer Dani memberships where you can pay us, chase her around for an hour, and stay fit. It would be cheaper than Lifetime and we'd make a few extra bucks. Or better yet, we'll pay YOU so we can just get one brief moment's rest.

Despite the exhaustion that the craziness that is Dani brings, it also brings us unbelieveable joy. She is so incredibly happy. Her face just doesn't seem big enough to hold her smile. She's funny and is now starting to realize that she can make us laugh. Lately, she has been fake laughing, trying to get a response from us. She loves to dance, stomping her little feet furiously and laughing. Incidentally, this is also the first indication of a temper tantrum (this foot stomping, however, is not followed by laughing. It's followed by whining and ends with her laying herself out on the floor. ). She is getting better at words. She says, daddy (da-da), more (moh!), ball (ah-bahhhh), kitty (di-deee), bye (buh-bah, accompanied by an adorable opening and closing of her little hand), hi (haaaaaaaa!), Bubble Guppies (bah guh), Elmo (ehhh moe), Thank you (deaaaaaa!). She also repeats well--Jack (gaaaaa), Mommy (meeee-meeeee), baby (Bay-beeeeee).

She's getting better at engaging with toys rather than just trying to eat them (though she sometimes still tries.) She still uses her hair as a napkin and has just started to stick her finger up her nose. It took me a day to realize she was doing this purely for effect, to get our attention. She still has the bad habit of picking up anything off of the floor and putting it into her mouth. But now she has added a cute little trick. When she does it and you catch her, she looks at you, wide-eyed, like she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar, turns around as fast as she can and runs away from you. It's pretty hilarious.

She's also upping the sweet quotient. She gives kisses when you ask her, which is nice because she rarely does anything you ask her to. The are big, open mouthed kisses that are adorable now but she really does need to work on them. She also gives fantastic hugs. The last couple of days she has been hugging me tight and then pulling back to look me in the face with this look like, "What did you think of that? That was pretty good, huh?" Then when you smile or laugh, she smiles back and hugs tighter. Her little game goes on and on like this and I never stop it--it's too adorable.

She definitely keeps us on our toes and brings us endless joy. I hope she always is as happy and joyful as she is now. It's hard to believe that I was once actually afraid that I couldn't love a second child as much as I loved my first. It's impossible to believe that I once thought there could be no child on Earth as cute as Jack. And I certainly didn't think my heart was big enough to hold this much love. But little, determined Dani has proven me wrong on every count.

She's adorable. She's unbelievably strong willed. She's funny. She's nuts. She's destructive. She's sweet. She's fiesty. She's opinionated. She's happy. She's our Dani and she's perfect in every way.

Year End

I have been really bad about keeping up with this blog lately. The end of school before break was pretty hectic as were the holidays. The weekend that we got off from school, we had Dani's official 1st birthday party. The family came over and Dani was happy, happy, happy. But what else is new? She didn't really care much about her presents but thankful Jack was there, ready to rip all of them open for her. She preferred to toddle about happily, soaking up all the attention lavished upon her.

She enjoyed her beautiful Elmo cake (thank you, Walmart). Yes, yes, I know. For Jack, I slaved away in the kitchen and, if I must say so myself, the 3 (yes, 3) cakes turned out beautifully. And when I proudly set Jack's very own big top tent cake in front of him, he refused to touch it and just cried. They often say that the second child gets the shaft. However, I really don't see it that way. It's not neglect, it's wising up. It's realizing that a lot of that stuff I killed myself over was unnecessary and that there were easier ways to do things. Anyway, I digress. Dani smeared red frosting all over her chair and face and it was much more rewarding than Jack's crying about his. (By the way, Jack has long since decided that it is stupid to cry when you receive cake--that you should only cry if you don't get cake.)

Dani got a lot of fun toys and cute outfits and after the party, we set our sights on Christmas. My parents say every year that we are going to scale back Christmas. So I actually listen and scale back Christmas. Then they walk in with about a thousand presents leaving me looking like a cheapskate. It stinks. At least until I realize that a lot of those presents are mine. It actually didn't really matter anyway, since I didn't get to open any of them. Jack has decided that opening presents is REALLY cool and he opened every single present that anyone got. He excitedly tore open each present, exclaiming with each package, "Oh my GOSH! It's a BOX!" After he got to the contents, he paraded it around and I really didn't get a chance to see what I got until the next morning, which was actually kind of fun, like doing Christmas all over again.

Both Jack and Dani loved the turkey (no surprise with Dani) and the choice of 5 kinds of cookies that we made. The next day at Carmen's they got even more toys. Jack ate a lot of meat but wouldn't touch any of the sides that he deemed scary. Dani, on the other hand gave us the first and only visible clue that she is actually Hispanic by polishing off an entire tamale. Overall, it was a fabulous Christmas with both sides of the family.

Later in the week, we took Dani to her first year portraits. She did absolutely great and we got amazing shots. They really captured her adorable personality. It was interesting because for the first half of the shoot, we tried to do her hair, pulling it back neatly into a side sweep pinned by a barrette. Halfway through the shoot, it just didn't look like our Dani so we pulled the barrette and her crazy hair did it's thing. And we got our perfect shots of our perfect girl.

Just before the end of the break, Nonny, Poppy and I took Jack downtown on his first train ride and his first visit to the city. We prepped him for what we were going to do all week and effectively built excitement. He kept exclaiming that we were going to the "big, Bubble City." (from Bubble Guppies). He was scared to get on the train at first but that lasted mere seconds and he spent the rest of the trip excitedly pointing out everything outside the window.

He was a trooper the whole way and walked a ton. We walked form Ogilvie to Macy's. Then on to Millenium Park (Jack loved the Bean.). We then marched up Michigan Avenue all the way to the Water Tower before catching a cab back to the train station. We all had fun and the kid slept like a rock!

Nonny and Poppy left on New Year's Eve day and we took the kids to a friends for a few hours. We obviously couldn't stay long but the kids had fun with the other kids and Jack learned how to fistbumpl

We really couldn't have asked for a better break, filled with lots of fun, love and together time. Watching the kids really start to understand unwrapping gifts and enjoying Christmas makes it all the more special. I can't wait to see it get better and better each year. It will be interesting as well when Dani finally decides that opening presents is fun too. Could make for some interesting Christmastime wrestling.